Trailer Trash XLII: Big Stan (Rob Schneider, 2007)

"Do you have anything you can tattoo around my sphincter to make it less attractive?"

Good God. Somehow, SOMEHOW I missed the DIRECTORIAL DEBUT of Rob Schneider. Maybe it's because I'm of at least moderate intelligence and don't require a handler to spoon-feed me my meals. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's go back a bit:

The DIRECTORIAL DEBUT of ROB SCHNEIDER. What the f*ck??

Speaking as a young screenwriter, more often than not bad movies give me a feeling of hope; if a terrible script can be made, then my better-written one has a chance, right? But Big Stan inspires no such good feelings.

Big Stan proves to me that there is no God in Hollywood. Watching the trailer makes me believe the entire film industry is actually a practical joke made at my expense.

The premise for the movie: Rob Schneider goes to prison and must protect himself from being raped. It's like whoever came up with the idea for Big Stan was watching HBO's Oz on DVD, and thought the horrible things that happen in prison would be absolutely hi-larious if they were played for laughs.


I always hoped that that Hollywood had some sort of protection mechanism that would prevent a "prison rape movie directed and produced by Rob Schneider, starring Rob Schneider" - but there evidently isn't. Somebody also put about $10 million dollars into this movie. If it didn't all come from Rob Schneider's own pocket, I'll give up the whole Hollywood dream right here, right now.

I feel a sense of shame putting this trailer up here. I really do. So I'll apologize here. If knowledge of this film's existence managed to escape you until this point, I'm sorry I ever brought it to your attention. If you really must watch it, feel free to stop after the first 20 seconds. The first 20 seconds of this trailer are easily among the most repugnant seconds ever committed to film.



I'll give you a couple minutes to clear the bile from your mouth.

My sole comfort in this film's existence is knowing that despite wrapping its filming in summer of '06, it was only finally released straight-to-DVD almost a full three years later. That just tells me that someone out there didn't want to unleash Big Stan on the world. (Except in Russia, where this apparently got a theatrical release.) I see that person as our guardian angel.

"That's a nice top. Would you mind lowering it a bit?"

Trailer Trash is a weekly tribute to oddball, cheesy and often just plain terrible movie trailers. Writers: Even Rob Schneider can get a movie made... so can you! You can read through our archive by clicking here.

What, When, Where this Weekend - The Pope's Toilet, Anvil! The Story of Anvil

What, When, Where is a weekly guide to select screenings, discussions and events in the NYC-area of interest to screenwriters. Have an event you'd like to see listed here? Give us a heads-up at info@screenwritersleague.com.

Somewhat slow movie weekend, unless you're looking forward to the new Hannah Montana movie, or possibly former Trailer Trash subject, Dragonball Evolution. But, here goes...

Opening this week...

THE POPE'S TOILET, written and directed by César Charlone & Enrique Fernández


Premise: A small South American village is in a flurry over the Pope's 1988 visit.

Playing: The Museum of Modern Art

This film has flown under my radar completely, but it's getting amazing reviews for a movie about a man trying to build an outhouse for the Pope in his back yard. I'm in.

ANVIL! THE STORY OF ANVIL, dir. by Sacha Gervasi


Premise: The founding members of Anvil, the Canadian heavy-metal band that missed out on fame in the 1980s, keep a torch lit as they begin recording their 13th album and head out on a tour to support the record.

Playing: Angelika

I usually avoid posting about documentaries as we try to focus on screenwriters here at the League, but I want to check this one out. VH1 Classic has been running the commercials for it almost nonstop, and as my DVR full of Classic Albums episodes can attest, I'm a sucker for music documentaries.

What are you doing/seeing this weekend?

Challenge Issued

Over the past two weeks I’ve been exchanging emails with a coordinator for Writer’s Boot Camp. For those of you who haven’t encountered them, Writer’s Boot Camp is a resource for the development of screenwriting, both feature and television. Operating out of LA and NY, the premiere service from WBC is their 22 week think tank where screenwriters develop 3-5 screenplays with script evaluation conferences, script readings, web support, and more. I’m not the best source of information, so for more info check them out at www.writersbootcamp.com.

In the email exchange the coordinator outlined the perks of the program, which I’m sure has helped many writers develop their craft. I was hesitant to sign up, and the coordinator was consistent in his opinion that what the writers receive through WBC is beyond what I have, which at this point is an education in screenwriting from NYU and the support of the screenwriter’s league. My argument, or point rather, wasn’t that I thought WBC wouldn’t help me, but rather that it was an investment, as was my NYU education. I graduated in 07 and in some ways I’m just starting to put what I’ve learned to practice. Not even two years out, I wanted to give my investment a chance to pay off before I determined that I needed to fortify my craft through additional resources, many of which mean spending dollars in a tough economy. I thought it was a fair point to make, and I think the coordinator did as well. In his last email he mentioned that a typical development cycle takes six months and that we should check in around then. Whether or not he intended it to be a challenge, I took it as such, but not the type of challenge where two cavemen bark at one another for the right to club a mate. It was something more elegant, like I stepped on his toes at court and he brushed me across the face with a silk glove.

I think it’s funny how this should happen during a stretch where I’ve been grappling with motivation. It’s just the sort of motivational spring board I’ve needed. I’m fully confident that I can get back into the swing of things and have a well developed product by the time the six month check-in arrives. But who knows, there’s also the chance that I fall flat on my face. One of the things I miss from my time at NYU was that there was always somebody waiting to see the writing, expecting the developed pages. It’s hard for a lot of students to find that when they move on. Even though it’s half a year from now, I feel like there’s someone waiting for these pages. He might not remember me when we get there, but I plan on delivering anyway.

Jim Jarmusch, Atom Egoyan - NYC events with the Museum of the Moving Image

Two amazing-sounding events sponsored by the Museum of the Moving Image were announced today:

An Evening with Jim Jarmusch
Thursday, April 23, 8:00 p.m.
Cantor Film Center, NYU
36 East 8th Street (Between University Place and Broadway)

Jim Jarmusch, whose brilliant and laconic style has made him one of America's most distinctive filmmakers since his debut with Stranger than Paradise in 1984, will participate in a conversation with clips moderated by Chief Curator David Schwartz. In addition to an exclusive look at scenes from his remarkable new film The Limits of Control (being released by Focus Features in May), which was photographed by Christopher Doyle and has an ensemble cast including Isaach de Bankolé, Paz de la Huerta, Gael Garcia Bernal, and Bill Murray, the evening will include scenes from Stranger than Paradise, Mystery Train, Night on Earth, Dead Man, Ghost Dog: The Way of the Warrior, and Coffee and Cigarettes.

Tickets: $12 Museum members/Free for Sponsor-level and above/$18 public. Order tickets online or by calling 718.784.4520.

Jim Jarmusch! Woot.

Aaaand...

PREVIEW SCREENING
Adoration
With Atom Egoyan in person
Monday, April 27, 2009, 7:30 p.m.
At AMC Loews 19th Street 6, 890 Broadway, Manhattan

2008, 100 mins. 35mm print courtesy Sony Pictures Classics. With Arsinée Khanjian, Scott Speedman, Devon Bostick. The latest film by Canadian director Atom Egoyan (The Sweet Hereafter, Exotica) is a compelling drama about family history, technology, and the modern world. When a high school French teacher asks her class to translate a news story about a terrorist who plants a bomb in the airline luggage of her pregnant girlfriend, the assignment has a profound effect on Simon, who imagines that the news item is his own family’s story. In the resulting turmoil, a mystery is solved and a new family is created.

Tickets: $12 Museum members/Free for Sponsor-level and above/$18 public. Order tickets online or by calling 718.784.4520.

Atom Egoyan! Woot #2.

You can purchase tickets for either of these shows here.

What Makes A Good Movie?

Yesterday The Screenwriter’s League got into a bit of an interesting discussion about what it meant to make a good movie. Here’s our convo…

Onyx:
Question. Would you rather people cramming to get inside, eager to see your movie and having a great time. The movie is panned by critics, but makes a ton of money. Or would you rather win an oscar, but hardly anybody goes to the movie and it doesn't stick with viewers. Trying to think of a comparable movie. I guess something like The Reader, even though I've never seen it.

Backer:
I'd rather entertain the audience

DOA:
Same, I think the general crowd liking the movie is more important...not that Oscar winning films AREN'T good, it's just not what people want to pay money to see on a Friday night...the thing is, do you think film companies are more likely to rehire you if your movie did well in the box office, or if the movie got great reviews?

Blades on the Brain:
But would you rather your script mutilated by producers but enjoyed by millions, or a work of art that not everyone 'gets'

Cake Man:
Writers who can either: win a company awards, or make a company a ton of money will get hired.

Backer:
Yeah, no kidding. The writer and director (of Fast and Furious), talented or not, definitely solidified their careers. Every studio in Hollywood is gonna want a piece of their magic.

F&F5 got greenlit BEFORE the opening. It's going to take place in Europe. Lovely.

"Hangover Sequel" the sequel to "Hangover" (opening June 5) has already been picked up. Guess someone's expecting that to do well, too.

Onyx:
I'm still hung up on how we can define a "bad" movie. There's really no argument with something like Battlefield Earth. It was a bad movie and it made no money, one of the companies that backed it went under. It was just bad. But if a movie does it's job and entertains the masses and makes 300 million dollars for the company, can it really be called a bad movie?

Blades on the Brain:
We are a culture that defines a good movie by monetary gain since what is 'good and bad' is subjective. But money is objective! That's super interesting/depressing.

Cake Man:
But I think the question of a "good" movie or not is more simple. A good movie is one that entertains (perhaps) and works, technically. A successful movie entertains (probbaly) and makes a lot of money (or gets awards).

OK, that wasn't so simple. But I think there's a distinction between good and successful.

Baker:
I'm not sure if the question is good vs. successful. I think the question is, does successful mean it's good.


This is where our conversation ended! Alas, it is incomplete. What does everyone else think???

The Writing Week (Vol. 2) part 66 - Fired My Manager

The phrase “Fired My Manager” seems a bit harsh to me. It is essentially what people do when they change representation, but it makes the whole action seem much more hostile than it is at times. Nonetheless, that’s basically what I did this week. I was surprised to find so little info on how to go about doing this, so hopefully this post can be of some help to any of you in a similar situation.

In order to follow along, here’s a short timeline of how things went down. For courtesy’s sake, I’m not going to name my manager or the companies he worked at. Let’s just call him Z. Z signed me when he worked at Company 1. He was excited to push my script in what he thought was a good chance of a sale. A month and a half later, he got a pass on my script, and soon found himself moving companies, to Company 2. He submitted my script to nine production companies, yet after two months, I still hadn’t heard from him. He also failed to tell me that he moved to Company 2 (I knew he left the first company, but a friend had to tell me where Z moved). I found the lack of information from him – regarding the move, and, in particular, his destination company – especially unprofessional. On top of that, Company 2’s homepage specifically says that it is not the right company for screenwriters. Big problem. When I asked Z about Company 2’s reputation, he said that it's based on his credentials, and was therefore a great reputation.

I still have a few contacts in the film industry whose opinions I value. Those contacts have agreed with me that my manager’s responsiveness and his answers to questions that I’ve asked have been less than professional. I’m relatively new to this, I won’t lie about that. However, I know enough to know what desired behavior from a manager is and what isn’t. My manager (unlike others) did not try to get me an agent, did not get me any sort of meeting, and left me without updates for months at a time. My initial excitement gave way to restlessness, disappointment, and ultimately frustration. I knew that if I reached a point of no-return with how I felt toward him, it would be overwhelmingly hard for him to climb back into my good graces. Perhaps I should have tried to clam myself. Maybe I could have given him more time to get his stuff together, but since he technically represented my career, I thought it unwise to remain with someone that I did not feel pleased or comfortable with.

So, I sent him an email, asked for an updated submission list, and after letting the weekend come and go, told him that I no longer needed representation from him. The initial email was somewhat short – I thanked him for his initial excitement and told him that it was invaluable to me as a young writer, but that I would be moving on. When he asked what had led to that decision, I decided to answer gracefully but honestly. I knew I was not obligated to offer an answer, but part of me wanted to get my frustrations off my chest; another part of me felt that, for some reason, I owed it to him. I have no hard feelings toward him now, and do not want to sound as if I'm attacking him here. This is just part of the journey we've sworn to document here at The League.

I understand that many of reading this might feel like I’ve made a huge mistake, or made mountains out of molehills. I’m well aware that a newbie writer is fortunate just to land representation. The last thing one wants to do is appear needy or to have unrealistic expectations. But there’s a saying (which I know I’ll fudge and can’t remember who to attribute it to) that goes something like: it’s better to have no manager than a bad one. If something isn’t working, regardless of how new to the business or risky a client you are, you have to know when to cut it off. At least, that’s my take on things.

Coming In on the Sly

I recently started a new job, which is amazing in itself considering all the shit that has been hitting the American flag lately. What is even more amazing is that this job is the job I wanted: It’s an assistant to the Executive Producer of this really cool kids show, “The Electric Company.” (www.pbskidsgo.org) It’s produced at Sesame Workshop, which means I get to spend my days walking through the brightly colored, stuffed animal clad hallways of Sesame. Of course being an assistant means all of organizing someone else’s life – but my boss is so cool and zany that I am really into it!

I’m on week two of my job. Last week was nothing but fast paced and exciting. From a writing stand point, also really inspiring. I was not only asked to read a few short scripts and give my boss my notes on them, but I was allowed to sit in on a script meeting! I am trying to let everyone in the office know that I am and want to be a writer and am good at it – without being a dick about it. I have fared well so far:

One thing I learned from being in the Dramatic Writing program at NYU is that if you’re the newbie in a room full of people who have been working on a show, you have to keep your mouth shut. No one wants the new person to be cocky or loud mouthed, because everyone else in the room does know more than you do. I failed a little and said three things total during the script meeting. Interestingly, the script coordinator, who is the official note taker of the meeting, wouldn’t even write down what I said. That is, until the third time when the head writer told her to.

We were done reading this first draft, and the script supervisor was going page through page, asking who had notes. We came to page 10 and I asked a question, “I was wondering why x wasn’t in the script,” (which is a better tactic instead of saying, “this is wrong but I know how to change it”). Everyone paused and told me to go on with my thought. I did, and the head writer said, “That’s really smart. Put it in the notes!”

So wahoo! I got my note in the page of notes to be given to the writer, which he’ll use to revise. Of course, who knows if he’ll do anything with it – but being called smart by the head writer was totally a thrill! Now the next hurdle would be to be invited back to the meeting. I don’t want to seem too entitled and assume I get to go back. But I would love recognition that I have smart things to say, and that I could be of use to the show. Because I would be! But who knows…