Saturday, October 11, 2008
"All aboard... if you dare!"
Terror Train: The first feature film about the horrors of taking the G from Queens to Brooklyn. (Ba-dum-ching! I'm here all night, guys.)
This movie was part of the flood of Jamie Lee Curtis slashers that came out in the wake of Halloween. It's actually better than Prom Night, but that doesn't say much. The setup is your standard "college kids picked off one-by-one at a party" but it was the setting that was pretty unique. It's pretty similar to past Trailer Trash subject Hell Night in this respect - even down to the zany costumes.
The director, Roger Spottiswode, went on to bigger and better things, notably directing the Bond film Tomorrow Never Dies. The screenwriter, unfortunately, looks to have dropped out of the Hollywood scene shortly after this movie.
At 0:05 - Oh, oh no... What's behind that door!?
At 0:10 - The anticipation is killing me... I can't look...
At 0:18 - Could that be what I think it is??!?
At 0:25 - It's a TRAIN!!!! (After half a minute of slow burn, yes, it's only a train.)
At 0:38 - Ohhhhhhhhhh, I get it now. It was a terror train. Got it.
At 0:49 - It's Don Rickles!
At 0:56 - Waking up to being groped by a lizard will probably make her think twice about sleeping on a train again.
At 1:06 - "Nice gag, Don!"
At 1:23 - NO! NOT KETCHUP! ANYTHING BUT THAT!
At 1:34 - Okay, who invited the gimp?
At 1:42 - Whine, whine, whine.
At 1:55 - Bad Einstein!
At 2:35 - Don't trains 'whistle'? I've never mistaken one for a scream.
That magician you get a brief glimpse of in the trailer? It's David Copperfield.
Take a close look at this poster. Do you think that the murderer might be Gene Shalit?
Do you think this movie wasn't bad enough the first time?? Then I've got good news for you! There are not one, but TWO remakes coming for this slop pile: details here and here.
"They should have never taken... the train."