Monday, February 25, 2008

Seeking 30-something Agent, Well Connected

Hi, my name is Onyx and I'm looking for an agent with Scarlett Johanson lips, Catherine Zeta Jones eyes, and Scott Ruden brains.

Before I go any further, let me say a little about myself. I'm an out of town kind of guy, born several millenia ago in the dark void that exists between your improbable dreams and your inevitable fates. Where I'm from, after wraith school you either become a tormenter or a harvester. Long story short, tormenters have all the fun. They get to visit the physical realm and use their powers for either collateral damage or evil. I come from a family of harvesters unfortunately.

You see, misdirected human hope gives off a glowing dew that sustains my kind. The dew gathers over a period of about eight miserable failures. After that it settles into a slurpy film, something with the consistency of phlegm. This substance can be harvested using a number of tools, but my family is of the old style so we use our mouths to suck off the dew. So you see, no surprise why I decided to become a screenwriter and move to New York City.

I still don't have a place of my own, but the great thing about the big city is that I never go hungry, ever. What I really need is someone who can hear my words and get past security so that others in high places may hear them.

I'm a versatile writer who loves what he does. So far I've done historical dramas (love history), humorous historical romance, animated feature, contemporary drama, and some androgynous mutation of comedy and Quasimodo. What else can I do? I think the sky is the limit. I just need an agent in my life. So don't be shy, give a wraith a try.

You should also know that I'm pretty tight with these guys and a gal. We all like to get creative, so somebody who was into the group thing (representation that is...) would be most appreciated. You'll like our stuff and I know we'll like yours.