I had lamented earlier that I was becoming all-consumed by my recent projects, but I have a feeling that it's mutated into something much worse.
I'm in that strange place with the current script I'm working on where I've just lingered over the hump. I'm officially half-way through, and I have a clear idea where it goes from here, to the point where I could give you a scene-by-scene breakdown. But the problem I'm finding now is that despite being incredibly patient and meticulous so far, all I want is for this thing to be finished.
What is this sudden impatience? The script has been a real pleasure to write, and though there will be plenty of work to do in the rewriting stages, I don't really understand what it is that's making me anxious to see it through.
This is, naturally, opposed by another feeling that doesn't strike me until I sit down with the intention of writing. I would like to point out my use of the words "...with the intention of..." because it's around that time that every other stupid thing on the internet catches my fancy. Yesterday, for example, it was a classic.
I go on to berate myself for whatever reason, but by the time Final Draft is up and running, my brain is covered in this thick film and the ability to focus, to hone in on the characters and the scenes that should be unfolding before me, is replaced by an urgent need to fill pages - resulting in cliche and generally unwanted text. For example, the eight pages that I wrote last week are probably going to be trashed by later this afternoon.
I find that there's a slight fear in proceeding. I'm almost afraid to see where this thing ends. The middle third of any script, I believe, is the hardest, and with everything being relatively strong up to this point, I will admit that I'm afraid I'm going to fly this ring right into an oncoming train.
My hunch is that I need to remove any and all distractions so I can focus again, slowing down my pace, making each word count. This probably means not being at home when writing. This probably means writing for longer periods at a time and clearing my schedule to help me accomplish exactly that. Whatever's going on right now does nothing more than come off as completely annoying.
In a perfect world, I could spend the next 72 hours in front of a computer (with a pot of coffee always in the queue) finishing this script so that I can work on the next, but we all know the reality of that pipe dream. For now I just have to suck it up and hop aboard whatever narrow focus I happen to find.
