Saturday, February 14, 2009

Trailer Trash XXXIV: Dragonball Evolution (2009)

"The legend comes to life!"

At severe risk of losing all of my awesome cred, I'm going to go out and admit that I'm a mild anime fan. I've seen all of the Miyazaki and Satoshi Kon films. I've probably seen Akira a dozen times since I was 12. Patlabor, Excel Saga, Ghost in the Shell. I've watched all of Neon Genesis Evangelion three times. But that's about it.

(Okay, I probably deserve my wedgie, but hear me out.)

That's a lot of anime. But that's just the low end of the spectrum; if you ever had a passing interest in Japanese animation, most of those are the movies you probably would have seen first. More eager anime fans have usually seen a lot more (as there's a LOT of it out there) and would scoff at the list I made above. And hardcore anime fans? I won't even go there.

In case you haven't seen one, this is what a hardcore anime fan looks like:

Why did I feel the need to distinguish? Because the guy pictured above is probably the most excited about this week's Trailer Trash subject: Dragonball Evolution.

This movie hasn't come out yet, so you're all getting an extra-special glimpse at what Shit will look like in the future. (For more Future Shit, check out our examination of Fast & Furious.)

Dragonball Evolution is a live-action adaptation of a long-running and very popular anime series about a guy traveling around collecting magic balls. This is what ball-collecting looks like with live actors:

Chow Yun-Fat: WHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??? (Are you in this??) Are you that hard up for a paycheck? YOU ARE ONE OF THE WORLD'S ULTIMATE BADASSES, SO ACT LIKE IT ALREADY! Gah.

Is it just me, or does every location in that trailer look like the backdrop for a Mortal Kombat level?

"With this glow-in-the-dark bowling ball, I take my vengeance upon the Earth."

Trailer Trash is a weekly tribute to oddball, cheesy and often just plain terrible movie trailers. Writers: These movies got made... so can yours! You can read through our archive by clicking here.


Onyx said...

Dragon Ball Z was a big part of my after school routine. I couldn't get enough of fights that lasted six episodes and fireballs that could destroy planets. I pretty much have to see this movie for all the joy it gave me, but this was my first time viewing the trailer and I have to admit that I'm not so thrilled about Goku. I don't know what it is. Is it that I need an Asian actor? Bigger hair? I can't figure it out.

DOA said...

Actually, like Onyx, Dragon Ball Z ate up a good chunk of my allowance as a kid. I was so completely horrified when I heard that they're making a live action movie, that actually...this doesn't look as utterly soul crushing as I thought. On the other hand I was expecting to be bleeding from my eyes by the end of the trailer.

Isaiah said...

The insane thing is that you actually could take, say, a season or two or three of Dragon Ball Z, cut out the ten trillion shots of dudes powering up and all the fight scenes that were composed almost entirely of action lines, and you'd get the material you needed for a Dragon Ball Z movie. It wouldn't be good, but there would be worse out there, and the action would probably be dramatically better than this.

Plus it would have giant rampaging apes.