How does this stuff get published?

Every year, the Bulwer-Lytton Awards recognize horrible first sentences in novels. Over at io9, the sci-fi blog points out that the winner sounds strangely similar to another, painfully bad first sentence. You decide:

Joe Schulman won the Bulwer-Lytton in science fiction for this stinker:

Timothy Hanson, Commander of the 43rd Space Regiment in the 52nd Battalion on board the USAOPAC (United Space Alliance Of Planets Attack Carrier) and second in command to Admiral L. R. Morris of the USAOP Space Command, awoke early for breakfast.

Meanwhile, David Sherman & Dan Cragg's novel Starfist: Wings of Hell, forthcoming from Del Rey in December, begins with this line:

Captain Lew Conorado, the commander of Company L of the infantry battalion of Thirty-fourth Fleet Initial Strike Team, settled into the chair behind the desk in his office and sighed.

I don't know about you guys, but I'd definitely read something titled Starfist: Wings of Hell. How could you not?

The Simpsons - Beavis and Butthead Did It Already?

So, did everyone catch last night's Simpsons? Did the first act, where Bart was gathering/stealing golf balls to sell back to golfers for a profit (in a zany montage) ring familiar to anyone else?

I'm 99% sure this was already an episode of Beavis and Butthead. Further research pulled up this TV.com description of the episode I recalled (Yes, it's called "Mr. Anderson's Balls:")

While searching for a missing kid, Beavis & Butt-head stumble upon a golf game with Mr. Anderson, then follow him around the golf course to steal his golf balls and sell them to other golfers.

MTV has the full episode available for viewing on their website.

This reminds me of the South Park episode where Butters gets frustrated because The Simpsons have already used every zany plot he can come up with.

After 19 seasons, has The Simpsons exhausted its own story wells? So much that they're recylcing 14-year-old Beavis and Butthead gags?

Trailer Trash XIV: The Thing With Two Heads (1972)

"They transplanted a white bigot's head onto a soul brother's body!"

And when that happens, y'all can guess that antics ensue. You'd like to think that this is one of those movie premises they only could have gotten away with making several decades ago, but that's not a true statement at all. If they were to shoot this now, it would probably just star Snoop Dogg and Rob Schneider.

The real star of the trailer you're about to watch is far and away the hilariously terrible costume. In 1972, special effects had not yet progressed past having two guys stand really, really close together and throwing an extra-large coat over them.



At 0:06 - When did it ever seem like a good idea? To whom? Did ANYONE think this through?
At 0:26 - Wouldn't just about EVERYONE suspect that they wouldn't care for the idea much?
At 0:36 - Trust me, you'll never get tired of seeing them run around like that.
At 0:48 - Isn't his white head further back than it's supposed to be?
At 1:30 - Note the wicka-chicka-waka soundtrack. Yep, another movie from the 1970s.

Three facts about 'soul brother' Rosey Grier: 1) Grier was a two-time Pro Bowl tackle for the New York Giants and the Los Angeles Rams. 2) Grier was the Robert Kennedy bodyguard who wrestled the gun away from the senator's shooter and broke his arm to subdue him. 3) Grier is also the author of Rosey Grier's Needlepoint for Men:


Rosey Grier: Unquestional badass, macrame master.


"Now you KNOW you got to go!"

Ballast and The Pleasure of Being Robbed - Filmmaker discussions in NYC

These both look great - I wish I were able to make either screening this weekend!

BALLAST followed by Q&A with writer/director Lance Hammer



Saturday and Sunday, 10/4 and 10/5 at the Film Forum
After 8:00 PM shows

A young boy drifts through the spare flatlands of a wintry Mississippi township and a middle-aged man sits in his rural home, frozen in grief after his brother’s suicide. These striking images set in motion a riveting story of three people trying to reposition their lives after experiencing a traumatic loss. Lance Hammer has been compared to the Dardenne Brothers, for the assured hand with which he tells a delicate, quietly unfolding story using understated means and non-professionals from the Mississippi Delta. “The one indisputably great film at Sundance ’08… (This) poetic and profound movie transcends categories and announces the arrival of a major new filmmaker.” — Peter Travers, Rolling Stone.

THE PLEASURE OF BEING ROBBED followed by Q&A with writer/director Josh Safdie



Saturday, 10/4 at IFC Center
After 6:20 and 8:20 PM shows

The story of a young woman whose compulsive curiosity leads to bold, elaborate acts of theft, Josh Safdies THE PLEASURE OF BEING ROBBED is a beguiling blend of casual comedy and subtle, unsettling mystery. The film, the debut feature by 24-year-old New York writer-director Safdie, was the Closing Night film of the 2008 Cannes Directors Fortnight and the only film from the U.S. to play in that section.

Discussion and screening with writer/director Mike Leigh (Naked, Secrets & Lies, Vera Drake)

To top off the Museum of the Moving Image's Weekend With Mike Leigh screening series, on October 19th the Scandinavian House at 58 Park Avenue will host a screening of the new movie Happy-Go-Lucky followed by a discussion with the award-winning writer/director Mike Leigh.

If you aren't familiar with Mike Leigh's work, I'd recommend adding the dark drama Naked to your Netflix queue.

Tickets are available here.

What, When, Where this Weekend - Rachel Getting Married, Ballast, Nick and Norah...

What, When, Where is a weekly guide to select screenings, discussions and events in the NYC-area of interest to screenwriters.

Opening This Weekend:

RACHEL GETTING MARRIED, dir. Jonathan Demme, written by Jenny Lumet



PREMISE: A young woman who has been in and out from rehab for the past 10 years returns home for the weekend for her sister's wedding.

PLAYING AT: Lincoln Plaza Cinemas, Regal Union Square

The film is directed by Silence of the Lambs' Jonathan Demme and has received pretty high praise in most reviews I've seen - many comparing it to gems directed by Robert Altman (here and here, for example). It doesn't hurt that it stars the oh-so-make-out-withable Anne Hathaway. (Cue inappropriate comment from Cake Man... NOW.)

This is the first feature for screenwriter Jenny Lumet, daughter of Dog Day Afternoon's (and many other films') Sidney Lumet - so we know she comes from good genes.

BALLAST, written and directed by Lance Hammer



PREMISE: A drama set in the Mississippi delta, where one man's suicide affects three people's lives.

PLAYING AT: Film Forum

The film was nominated for the Grand Jury Award at Sundance (ultimately losing to Frozen River). You can read This Savage Art's praise here.

NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST, dir. Peter Sollett, adapted by Lorene Scafaria



PREMISE:Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist is a comedy about two people thrust together for one hilarious, sleepless night of adventure in a world of mix tapes, late-night living, and, live, loud music.

PLAYING AT: Just about everywhere.

I like Michael Cera, but the trailers for this movie make it look too Juno-sugary for my tastes. This review certainly didn't make it look any more appealing to me:
"An emo cover version of a John Hughes comedy ... unless you believe that Death Cab for Cutie’s lyrics really speak to your life, Nick and Norah’s charms are frustratingly finite." - Time Out New York

BLINDNESS, dir. Fernando Meirelles, adapted by Don McKellar



PREMISE: A doctor's wife becomes the only person with the ability to see in a town where everyone is struck with a mysterious case of sudden blindness. She feigns illness in order to take care of her husband as her surrounding community breaks down into chaos and disorder.

PLAYING AT: Clearview Chelsea, AMC Loews

What're you seeing this weekend?

5 Things to Watch Out For When Writing

ScriptXRay, an online resource dedicated to the exploration of and craft of screenwriting, recently posted an article on “TIPS: 5 Things Not to Include in Your Screenplay.” Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but the five things listed are either going out of fashion or instantly mark a writer as an amateur. According to cj Rice and the gang over at ScriptXRay, writers should do everything they can to avoid:

1. Inserts
2. Micro-description
3. Capitalizing sound
4. Music
5. Camera direction

I won’t spend too much time breaking each of the five down, since you can read all about them here. However, I’d like to talk about a few of them as they relate to my own experience. The article defines micro-description as follows:

“You’ve heard of micromanagement, right? Not fun is it? Well screenwriters have their own form of this, and it’s called micro-description, and it forms when a screenwriter describes each and every movement, beat by beat, moment by moment, scene by scene.”

I’ll admit, I’ve been very guilty of this in the past, especially during the first and even second draft of my comic book style spec. At one point, I’d devoted an entire page to what would have amounted to maybe a ten second fight – if that. BIG no no. What was worse was that when I tried to address the issue, I went too far toward the other extreme, I guess what you could call “under-description” (from the term 'under management'). I remember actually writing, at one point during a fight scene, “He punches and kicks, is kicked and punched,” or something like that. AAAAGH!

I think that draft has been burned. Needless to say, I don’t do that anymore, either.

Finally, I just want to touch on capitalizing sound, since that’s something that’s been on my mind a lot recently. More and more, I read about how the industry, especially producers, is turning away from this practice. I still do it, not because I’m a rebel or I’m wedded to it, but because it’s what I was taught to do. It’s only been relatively recently that I’ve seen this brought up as a red flag – maybe it’s been discussed for years, only I just started hearing about it. I’d like to think that a perfect script would still get produced, even with capitalized SOUND. Have any of you readers heard more about the debate or experienced the impact of the trend? I’d be curious to know.

Again, check out the full article from ScriptXRay here.