Screen Alert - Donkey Punch (written by Oliver Blackburn & David Bloom)

Donkey Punch is a smart movie with an even smarter title. The moniker is outlandish enough that it sticks with you; I don't remember where I first read about the movie, but its name and premise stuck with me long enough that I was excited to see it opening here in NYC.

The title, of course, refers to a raunchy, ridiculous and ultimately fake sexual maneuver. (If you don't know what it is, ask a seventh grader to describe it to you.) The title is perfectly naughty and straight forward - you're not going to forget it.

The plot itself is simple. Three girls are on holiday when they meet three guys that are looking to party. Long story short: the guys get the girls onto the yacht they crew, get 'em out to sea, load up on drugs, and then one receives a fatal donkey punch. THIS is where the plot thickens.

The sexy-kids-end-up-with-a-dead-body is becoming a common subgenre in the horror section, but Donkey Punch manages to handle it differently. The kids react BELIEVABLY to the accidental death ("What do we do??" "Our whole lives are ahead of us!") and the tension perfectly builds through their interactions when their methods of resolving the situation are at-odds. None of the characters know each other that well, and everyone must look out for their own best interests. This was where the film excelled - in its relatively slow build to further bloodshed. When the film inevitably takes its horror turn in the later half, it's at least handled creatively. Filmseekers looking for a good thriller/suspense flick have a lot to be happy about here. Horror fans should stick around for the end - you won't be disappointed.

Blackburn's past as a music video director absolutely shines through in Donkey Punch; one of the most outstanding aspects of the film is its use of sound and music. The soundtrack is great, properly setting the tone of the scene with each piece of music. Particular standouts are the drug scenes at the beginning of the film - they're properly otherworldly and disorienting. The music pulses coldly and electronically. The soundtrack reminds me of Trainspotting's, but Donkey Punch is able to convey that messed-up feeling without resorting to New Order and ceiling-crawling babies.

I've seen a lot of critics draw comparisons between this film and Polanski's Knife In the Water - which I think is apt, and not just because they both take place on boats. They're both claustrophobic little thrillers well worth the price of admission.

**** out of *****.

The Writing Week (Vol. 2) part 57 – Retaining Rights and the Solicitation List, Questions for a Manager

Right now, I’m the only one in the League who has secured representation - but the others are not far behind. Because of that, this whole querying through signing (and then the selling and everything beyond) is new to us. I’m sort of like the League’s guinea pig when it comes to dealing with people responsible for our careers. As a young, “emerging” writer, I can tell you that this has been both an exciting and, at times, stressful month and a half.

For Christmas, (as you’ll recall, I mentioned before) I got a copy of The Real, Low Down, Dirty Truth About Hollywood Agenting. (Read it if you haven’t.) That book, along with other things I’ve heard and read, gave me a fairly strong sense of what I could expect if my career begins to take off. But I still had questions on what if anything I could be doing now to help my career later, as well as other things I wanted to know about in terms of projects I’m working on.

Last week I was happy to have a brief but very helpful chat with my manager. I had a sort of laundry list of things to ask him. Hopefully, this will be useful to some of you, especially if you’re an action writer like I seem to be at the moment.

-My current project, the Roman-army spec, could really be a comic book series, if not a film. Since my manager works in comics also, I figured I’d get his take on it. His answer: there’s no point in sitting on an amazing script that’s written in order to make it a comic first. If people don’t bite for the screenplay, I can always go the comic route and come back to the screenplay when there’s source material on it. (Granted, if I really wanted to do the comic first, I could. But I’ll go with my manager’s inclination on this one.)

-What about my other projects? I have another complete spec and wanted to know if he wanted to handle one project at a time, or take a look at that one now. He said to send anything over once I think it’s ready. So, he now has two of my babies.

-Industry contacts: when I was an intern at one of the major companies here in NYC four years ago, I developed a pretty good relationship with my supervisor. I asked my manager if he thought it was worth sending to her, since her current company has a first-look with one of the big studios. I was particularly concerned about maintaining credit as a first-time writer and thought that working with her might safeguard me a bit. He said that would be a fine route to go, that honoring relationships like that is always a good thing to do in this biz.

-Finally, one of the things I asked was about retaining rights. I’m no legal expert, but I know that it can be hard if not impossible to secure the rights to characters and franchise elements that you’ve created (I’m talking rights to royalties for toys, posters, video games, etc. based on your material). Both projects I’ve give him have big franchise potential, and I want – reasonably, I think – to have access to part of any spinoff, especially things like comics or TV shows based on the film. (Yeah, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself here, but I think this kind of thing is important for writers to be aware of, at least. I have zero negotiating power at the moment, but it helps to know what I can fight for, especially if other people are seeing dollar signs.)

My manager said that the best way to secure those rights is to find your script in the middle of a bidding war, which is why I’m a bit relieved that the company we gave an exclusive to passed. At the end of the week, my manager emailed me the Solicitation List for companies we’re going to target next. He covered basically every major studio in the nine spot-on selections he made. Now, the waiting begins again. I hope it’s worth it.

Trailer Trash XXXII: Necromancy, AKA The Witching (Orson Welles, 1972)

"Life to the dead... and death to the living!"

Every now and then, an actor just needs to take home a pay check. Even great actors, like Ben "Bloodrayne, Love Guru" Kingsley. Late in his career, even Orson Welles had to dial a few in.

Somewhere between Citizen Kane and his turn as a planet-eating planet in Transformers: The Movie (and when he wasn't drunkenly filming wine commercials), Mr. Welles took a part in Bert I. Gordon's b-horror flick Necromancy. From what I can tell, Bert Gordon was the era's equivalent of Joel Schumacher - his b-movies were popular if not necessarily good.

I hope Orson was payed well, at least.

Here's the plot synopsis taken from AllMovie:

A wicked necromancer controls an entire town, forcing its residents to make the special "toys" he needs to cast his evil spells. This horror outing follows what happens when the dastardly wizard, hoping to revivify his dead son by stealing the soul of another, sets his sights on the wife of his new employee.

Orson Welles plays the wicked necromancer, of course. Ze trailah:



At 0:04 - Campbells' Psychedelic-flavored Soup.
At 0:10 - Santa Clause? Jerry Garcia?? Orson Welles!
At 0:31 - That's the easiest-to-read Tarot I've ever seen.
At 0:34 - Was she falling at us?
At 0:57 - Gratuitous, unnecessary nudity for the win.
At 1:10 - "Excuse me while I set up Satan's hookah."
At 1:15 - WTF? Was that a squirrel?

Trivia: The film was originally released as "Necromancy" in a PG-rated cut. When the flick hit home video in the 1980s, they added more nude scenes and retitled it "The Witching". So, word to the young directors: If your movie turns out to be bad, adding naked people isn't going to make it any worse.


"Everyone... wants to be happy."

Trailer Trash is a weekly tribute to oddball, cheesy and often just plain terrible movie trailers. Writers: These movies got made... so can yours! You can read through our archive by clicking here.

What, When, Where this Weekend - Medicine for Melancholy, Serbis, Taken, The Uninvited

What, When, Where is a weekly guide to select screenings, discussions and events in the NYC-area of interest to screenwriters. Have an event you'd like to see listed here? Give us a heads-up at info@screenwritersleague.com.

Opening this week...

MEDICINE FOR MELANCHOLY, written and directed by Barry Jenkins


Premise: A love story of bikes and one-night stands told through two African-American twenty-somethings dealing with the conundrum of being a minority in a rapidly gentrifying San Francisco.

Playing: IFC Center

This reportedly takes place over the course of 24 hours and rarely branches beyond the two main characters. I love small movies like this - deep, but focused. I'm in.

Cinematical has an exclusive clip.

SERBIS, written by Armando Lao and Boots Agbayani Pastor, dir. by Brillante Mendoza


Premise: A drama that follows the travails of the Pineda family in the Filipino city of Angeles. Bigamy, unwanted pregnancy, possible incest and bothersome skin irritations are all part of their daily challenges, but the real "star" of the show is an enormous, dilapidated movie theater that doubles as family business and living space. At one time a prestige establishment, the theater now runs porn double bills and serves as a meeting ground for hustlers of every conceivable persuasion.

Playing: Angelika

A lot of good buzz around this one, too. I'll check it out.

TAKEN, written by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen, dir. by Pierre Morel


Premise: A former spy relies on his old skills to save his daughter, who was kidnapped by slave traders during her vacation in Paris.

Playing: All over.

Luc Besson! Liam Neeson doing... badass things! This'll be a Netflixer.

THE UNINVITED, written and directed by the Guard Brothers


Premise: After her mother's death and her subsequent hospital stay, Anna Rydell returns home to be with her sister and her father, who has become engaged to Rachel, her mother's former nurse. During her first night back, Anna is visited by her mother's ghost, who reveals that the new woman in her father's life is not who she pretends to be, leading to a fateful confrontation between the women of the house.

Playing: All over.

Despite the lies you may have hear, this is actually a remake of the Korean film Tale of Two Sisters, and NOT an adaptation of the 1998 song by Alanis Morissette.

In any case, it's another Asian horror remake. Reviews are rather negative. It's a shame, because the original was scary if excruciatingly slow. When will these end?? Not since Verbinski took on The Ring (which I felt was better than the original, even after seeing Ringu first) have any of these been any good.

Have foreign horror producers figured out yet that if they churn out just about any horror slop they'll be able to sell the remake rights to Hollywood, no questions asked?

What are you doing/seeing this weekend?

Would you Write Your Favorite (Pre-Existing) Character?

This is something I've been thinking about recently, as part of my fantasizing about being a working screenwriter. In theory, a new writer's ideal (or most common) career path is to sell a spec, and then make a living writing on commission in the genre he/she first broke into. My specs are all big action right now, so, playing along with the theory, once I sell something, I would start pitching my take on projects that major studios want to develop.

Let's just play with the example of my favorite comic book hero - Batman. In this dream world (we all have one), I've sold something at high six or even seven figures, and I'm the "go to" new action writer on the block. Warner Bros. comes to me asking if I'd do a Batman adaptation. (Yeah, Zombie, we know. Not gonna happen. But play along, would ya?) I love Batman. They know this. My manager knows this. It looks like it should be a done deal, right?

I'm not sure I'd take it. I enjoy the character so much, rather, enjoy being a fan of his so much that I'm not sure I want to become anything more than that. It'd be awesome to work on a film like that, sure, but a lot of the fun for me comes in sitting down with a hundred other people in a dark theater and watching Bats do his thing, completely unaware of what's going to come next. The enjoyment I get from watching the entertainment might outweigh the satisfaction I get from creating it, in this instance. I'm not going to answer the question here, because I don't know the answer. It's just something I toy with late at night when I should be sleeping instead. Onyx, they want you to do Predator 2010. Do you?

So, how about it? Would you write your favorite pre-existing character if given the opportunity?

The Writing Week (Vol. 2) part 56 - Choosing Every Word

I fiddled with the outline. I talked Onyx's head off about my idea. Zombie thought there was no end in sight as I would ramble on and on about the script into the wee-hours of booze infused mornings. The League checked the outline, asked me questions, gave me suggestions (some I took, some that went in one ear and took the express train out the other). So this week, finally, it was time to start writing pages.

A bit about my writing process (as much as I have one). Once my outline is done, or even if I've decided to forgo an outline and just write from scratch, I tend to average about five pages an hour. I write an hour a day. I'm a firm believer in the 100-105 page script (though not saying there's anything wrong with a 120 pager), so I usually finish a draft in about three weeks, give or take. Yeah, it's kind of fast, and those first pages I write usually wind up getting re-written. But the foundation is typically laid in under a month.

This go around, though, I find I'm working a bit differently. For one, though I usually listen to music while writing, half the time I find it distracting these days. Also, my pace has slowed to closer to three pages per session, maybe four. There's a very good reason for both of those things; I find I'm concentrating much harder on these pages than I ever have before. Truth be told, I'm not really sure why that's the case. The pages are fun to write, but they're much more effort than I've ever put into writing before. Where normally I'd breeze through five or six pages, I'm now laboring over each and every word, be it in dialogue or action. There's a certain mood I have to convey in this (as in all scripts) and key hints about different plot twists that I have to drop. The outline pretty much works, and the expectations from the League are so high for this that I suppose I feel if I get it done right the first time, I could knock this thing out of the park.

Yeah, I know, that's sort of the goal with all writing, isn't it? It's odd - the way I'm focusing on this, treating it much more of a job, a sort of one-time assignment that I have to get right - I can't quite judge where I am. Either I'm hitting the nail on the head, or I've completely missed my mark. As the retired LoKor recently said, "First drafts are what they are. You write them the way you need to." Guess I'll find out what mine is at our next League meeting (at least for my first act).

When you write, how much time to do you dedicate to "the little things," especially in your first draft?

Trailer Trash XXXI: Voodoo Woman (1957)

"A woman by day... a monster by night!"

The tagline for this movie describes a lot of the dates Cake Man's brought back to League Headquarters. (Except "monster" would be a nicer word than he'd use for them.)

I'll forgo any long intro here. This is a monster movie from the 1950s that isn't titled Creature from the Black Lagoon, so you can be 99% sure it's a cheesy mess.



At 0:05 - The monster looks like the Crypt Keeper in a Dee Snider wig.
At 0:45 - Alright, kids, remember those names - there'll be a test on them later.
At 1:23 - Was that the narrator slipping into his 'scary voice'?
At 1:27 - OK, he threw the molotov, but look in his other hand. Is Touch Connors drinking a beer?

Voodoo Land? No fortune in gold or diamonds would get me to go to a place called Voodoo Land. I mean, just the name alone lets you know it's a terrible, dangerous place. It's like Stabbytown, or Murderopolis. Or Youngstown, Ohio. Why would you ever go to a place call Voodoo Land, gold or no?


"A blond captive in the darkness... of Voodoo Land!"

Trailer Trash is a weekly tribute to oddball, cheesy and often just plain terrible movie trailers. Writers: These movies got made... so can yours! You can read through our archive by clicking here.