Just a Name

In Chinese, naming people are fairly easy. If it’s a girl’s name, chances are there’ll be a character that means quiet/ pleasing/ pretty/ some-sort-of-“famine”- animal. If it’s a boy’s name, then patriotic/ fierce/ smart/ successful/ rich/ bright/ some-sort-of-“masculine”-animal. Sexist, I know, but hell, at least it’s usually easy to differentiate between male and female names, and what the parents wished for the kid (unless they’re named after a scenic view or vegetation). When in doubt, name your boy “Love (your) Country” and your girl “Pleasing (to) Husband” or “Call (forth a younger) Brother”. (I’m not making this shit up. Those were pretty popular names.)

Names written in English, on the other hand, doesn’t necessarily mean it's an American/English name. It can be Italian, it can be Polish, it can be Spanish. It drives me nuts.

Usually I get away with just throwing my characters New Testament names, but when I stray from the Bible, things start to make less sense. I don’t know why three of the archangels’ names--Michael, Gabriel, and Rachael--are pretty popular, but hardly anyone is named after Uriel. Although, when I name someone Raphael, people usually respond “oh, like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle!”

I’ve given male names to my female characters, female names to my male characters (still can’t believe Brooke is a girl’s name). More than often I just grab the nearest book or magazine that has multiple contributors and pick something that I can pronounce. I’ve used up my old high school contact list by now. The one time I named two of my characters Luc and Nicolai after old work interns Lucas and Nicolas, Cake Man pointed out I turn them Russian. How??

I also just realized that the girl in my new script probably can’t be called Christina since she lives in an alternate/ fantasy universe where there’re multiple deities.

And last names? Bane of my existence.

Happy ESL Time

It's almost 6 am and I have a fever so I decided to start a new section, called "Happy ESL Time". It doesn't have to do with writing as much as my relationship with the English language. This will be the eleventh year I've spent in America (3rd+4th grade, then high school onward). The only time someone sat me down to teach me English was in 3rd and 4th grades. When I came back to America the second time, I had to jump into Shakespeare and learn a foreign language like everyone else (I took Spanish. My teacher told me I don't conjugate as much as I mutilate. He was one of my favorite teachers.)

Most things you simple pick up when you've lived in another country for this long and 90% of your friends don't speak your native language. But after a certain point you start hitting words that people just don't use enough for you to pick up naturally. I distinctly remember learning "asphalt" in 2004 because it was in Gwen Stefani's song "Long Way to Go", and the word "silhouette" in 2003, first semester of college, because it was in Cake Man's script, three times, and I couldn't pronounce it (Damn you Cake Man. The fuck did you pick the Asian girl to read stage directions for??). And some things you just don't pick up unless you grew up here.
Such as the term "Rub-a-dub-dub". Is that trying to say "rub-a-duck" i.e. rub the famous yellow duckie? Or does it actually mean "rub-a-tub", i.e. spray the tub down with some Lysol and start scrubbing. I still don't know.

If you do, answers would be appreciated.