"I was getting laid a lot in this movie" - Hilarious Arnie commentary

Saw this on the Village Voice's Topless Robot blog a few weeks back and haven't been able to stop laughing at it: Arnold Schwarzenegger and screenwriter/director John Milius giving a DVD commentary for Conan the Barbarian. These guys sound stoned out of their freaking minds.



John Milius (who already had the Apocalypse Now screenplay under his belt at this point) went on to write both Clear and Present Danger and Red Dawn, as well as co-create HBO's Rome. As for Arnie, I hear he went into politics or something.

WHY?!?! Unnecessary Remake Hell

Is there nothing new out there? I think this is a common question when it comes to the film industry. A very common question. With only maybe 80 some sales a year being spec sales, the majority of Hollywood’s slate is adaptations and remakes. I’m on board with adaptations – though, sometimes I wonder how “this” movie got made, while “that book” is so much better and kept off the screen. Remakes, though, are another question. Some things should just be left alone.

Today, during my daily scroll of DoneDealPro this morning, I noticed that three out of the first five sales listed were remakes. Three out of five. That’s 60% for all you non-math whizzes out there.

Remake number 1: ARTHUR, about a booze-hound playboy who stands to earn a lot of money if he marries a certain girl in a certain family, but falls for someone much “beneath” him. Dudley Moore and Liza Minnelli starred in the 1981 Oscar Award winning original (Best Supporting Actor, Best Original Song), nominated for best screenplay. Russell Brand, yep, the FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL guy, is attached to star in the remake. Can you spell Oscar Nomination? Neither can I in this instance.

Remake number 2: TOTAL RECALL. Aaaaahhhnnnold! A man buys a virtual vacation to Mars and winds up fighting as a special agent to overthrow a Martian depot in reality – or does he? OK, remaking Arnold? Hasn’t he enacted some legislation in California against that by now? Also, really? REALLY?

Remake number 3 (and the most upsetting): THE NEVERENDING STORY. Who grew up in the 80s or 90s and didn’t watch this a dozen times? I still wish I had a giant flying dog to take me everywhere and be my best friend. This is a classic; it’d be like remaking THE PRINCESS BRIDE (Onyx would come after that producer so fast, he wouldn't know what hit him). This is a great movie, and I can guarantee now, 100%, that whatever hits theaters a few years from now will be beyond disappointing in comparison.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Can’t well-enough just be left alone?

Trailer Trash III: Hercules in New York

While we're on an Arnie kick, here's a classic one. I only wish it was the original theatrical trailer and not the post-Terminator VHS release...

Best Arnold Schwarzenegger movie? Definitely. Onyx would agree.



At 0:50 - do we really need to see that? REALLY?
At 1:10 - Can anyone translate this for me?

Trailer Trash: Commando

The trailer for (the cinematic masterpiece) Commando does just about everything right to sum up the movie in two minutes: it offers up bite-size portions of all of the movie's most essential elements. You get gunfire and explosions, cheesy catchphrases, and tough-guy mugging from Arnie.



I think more bullets are fired in this trailer alone than in all of Saving Private Ryan.

Sequence that hurt my eyes the most: the rapid-fire cutting at 0:30 while Arnie is putting on his badass dress. Did that almost give anyone else a seizure?

"Let's party."