"The world is amazed by Godzilla and Rodan, but it will be knocked for a ghoul by Varan!"Right off the bat: what the hell does that tagline even mean? Knocked for a ghoul? Huh?
Whatever. What can you really expect from a generic Godzilla ripoff when your monster looks like this?
Let's narrate that scene. For fun, whenever you read the name of the film's titular character, draw the pronunciation out a bit, like "Varaaaaaaan, the unnnnnbelieeeeeeeeevable!"
FADE IN:
EXT. JAPANESE HARBOR - DAY
Sounds of SCREAMING as VARAN THE UNBELIEVABLE emerges from the cold water.
SAILOR 1
AGGGGGHHH! It's... Varan the Unbelievable! I... I can't believe him!
WOMAN
It looks like some kind of flying squirrel.
SAILOR 1
BUT HE'S GOT A LIZARD FAAAAACE!!!!
WOMAN
I still say squirrel.
They are eaten by the Varan the Unbelievable.
(Ed. Note: If anyone knows a way to properly indent screenplay formatting in blogger, please shoot me an e-mail.)
Anyways, on to the trailer trash:
It seems like whoever edited that trailer was aware how silly Varan looked, and made sure not to show more than the top of his head or a single foot at a time.
Yeesh.
"So AWESOME it will shock you to the core!"
Trailer Trash is a weekly tribute to oddball, cheesy and often just plain terrible movie trailers. Writers: These movies got made... so can yours! You can read through our archive by clicking here.
No comments:
Post a Comment