Today was... today I capsized. Throw me a lifeline.
Like most screenwriters, or people aspiring to be screenwriters, I have a day job, which I can tolerate most of the time. As far as day jobs go, it's really not that bad. But today, I felt like I was drowning. Today was one of those days where I realize just how much time I spend in a place that I don't want to be. For the most part, I manage to allow myself to care about work only when I'm actually in the office. And I care to the point where I know what I have to do and I do it, but I can just as easily take a breath, step out of the office, and be in my own place again. But today, after various office crap happened, I was hit in the face by the notion that I need something more. Soon.
I don't mind working, but I want to work for me, to my own ends. I need a change. I need to feel a big break coming on, and I need to know that I'm working toward that. Query letters are a good place to start, but with a script out to two competitions, I don't want to send anything out prematurely. Then again, it's over three months until I'll start hearing word from these competitions, so what do I do in the mean time?
You see our blog, and it's certainly come a long way in the past few weeks, which is great. We're hoping to have readings this summer of our work and maybe even make a short film together. But I'm still looking for the next big step. I don't want the League and my computer to be the only things that get to know my work in the next three months, or the next three years. Like the rest of the Leaguers, I'm young. But (and not to make a horrible joke), I'm also restless.
Throw me a lifeline. I'm swimming to shore, but on days like today, I just get tired. I've got a lot of time to work my way up, I know, but that's a lot of time I could be out of the water, too.
5 comments:
Just take a breath, it'll pass. I'm pretty sure we all get that feeling sometimes. In a couple years you'll look back on this post fondly and laugh while you light the hookah with 100-dollar bills.
I've gotta second "zombie" on this one. The perks of being a writer who works (as opposed to being a working writer) are mostly intangible - security, namely - and the tangible income allows you to pay the bills, but there are a lot of negative things about having to divide your time between a passion and a compromise. It may help to remember that with writing, you're in the business of humanity, and the gamut of emotions that you're going through and will go through only serve to add in your art. Perhaps you should consider adding something else that your life isn't comprised of just work and...other work. What about volunteering, or joining a softball league? Sometimes getting away from yourself can help ground you, and in doing so, allow you to regain your focus.
*there was a typo in my earlier comment*
You're both right, and address things I know, things I was aware of even while writing this post. But what's the point in writing what I'm thinking or feeling if I'm only doing so when I'm level headed and "have slept on it"? That said, back to work.
That said, it's not always advisable to drink and blog.
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